i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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