So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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