I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
