Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize