I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
