i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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