my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How external is "for external use only"?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
