I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
