What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Buhtt sex?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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