Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
