Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
