yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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