last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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