the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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