Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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