i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
