dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
