I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it because I queefed?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
