Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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