apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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