We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
