I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
