Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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