i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
