I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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