The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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