Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
being pregnant is like rehab
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
