its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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