WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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