do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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