My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
