Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
accomplished twins. life is a go
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
