i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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