The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
