Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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