sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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