I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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