we made out on top of his cat.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
