the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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