Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
