i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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