Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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