around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
