whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
