I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
