By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
