i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
