I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
