Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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