so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
