His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
