2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We talked him into tasing himself.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again