He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.