Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping