At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!