I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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