he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
