I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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