do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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