this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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