Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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