my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
