She's JV to your varsity
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
