What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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