the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
