P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
