I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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