how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
